


Because you love him

by xwenxinx



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with no happy ending, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, More tags later, One curse word, One-Sided Relationship, Poor Reader, a weird point of view, i made myself mad with this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 19:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20971625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xwenxinx/pseuds/xwenxinx
Summary: and you love him, you think.but you try to tell yourself you don’tyou love him but you always had a thing for falling in love to quickly only to be left behind with a broken heart and even more broken trust , so you’re a little scared but you know that the butterflies in your stomach that you are willing yourself to digest and the way your heart skips a beat when he smiles at you that this must be love.





	Because you love him

you like him a lot, maybe love him a little 

when he first said your name, you might have stumbled a little because you couldn't help thinking that it sounded so nice coming out of his mouth.

and you couldn't help but think his last name matched awfully well with your first name  
and no you didn't write your name together a million times in your math notebook the only period that you didn't have with peter. 

(ok maybe you wrote it a couple of times but you swear that you didn't doodle a little heart around it)

and you love him, you think.  
but you try to tell yourself you don’t

you love him but you always had a thing for falling in love to quickly only to be left behind with a broken heart and even more broken trust, so you’re a little scared but you know that the butterflies in your stomach that you are willing yourself to digest and the way your heart skips a beat when he smiles at you that this must be love. 

and you say to yourself that the little stares that you pretend to not notice means that he might love you too. 

you stare at him with a little lovesick grin when the afternoon sun hits his curly hair just right and you swear that you never have seen anything so surreal like that before and you think that you might die if he laughs one more time at your dumb science jokes. 

and you think to yourself this must be love. 

you start to listen to those love songs about missing someone and needing someone that you never could understand and suddenly it’s like a whole new world and everything finally makes sense. 

and you swear that your heart forgot how to beat when he held your hand for the first time.  
he takes your breath away every time he looks at you with love and adoration that you never thought would have been directed at you.

you would never trade anything in the world for him

he takes you to places, wonderful places but you can only remember him when you come back home at night. and you forget the ticking time bomb of the young ignorant bliss of love

he walks you to class, where he kisses you every day and you swear you couldn’t love him more. 

and you swear he tastes like happiness and peppermint with your strawberry flavored chapstick mixed in 

you decide that it's your favorite flavor in the entire world

and you think to yourself that you would never get sick of him

and when he turns up in the middle of the night oozing blood with a tattered spiderman suit, you realize two things: he trusts you and that made your heart do a funny little thing and you realize that you have never been so in love before

you realize that out of everyone in your friend group, he picked you to pick up the broken pieces after a long day of being a vigilante with the guilt of his world on his shoulders. 

and he picked you!!!

so you decide that in this life and more to come that he would be your priority, that you would do anything to make sure that he was happy even if that meant that you would sacrifice your own for him because if he wasn't going to be his priority, he was going to be yours.

because you love him

suddenly his world crumbles around him but yours grow, built upon broken dreams and honey-coated lies 

and his kisses feel different these nights with more need and more want and you think to yourself that everything is right in this world. 

you're blinded by love and he’s high on adrenaline that you don't see the flash of regret in his eyes as he finds comfort between your legs and you will yourself to ignore the pang in your heart because you love him

he comes to you more and more after that, he finds comfort in the fact that you have remained a constant in his life, a beacon of unwavering support, he knows you and your reactions, he knows what to say and what to do to keep you happy and in a world so big and so unknown he would do anything to keep you there right beside him. he knows that he could be selfish with you 

because you love him. 

and you stare and stare at him in the morning light trying to memorize every little detail about him. trying to memorize the way his eyes shines when he looks at you, his hands that are so much bigger than yours and the way his hazel eyes crinkle when he smiles and you don't know what you are going to do without him. 

and you can’t remember how you used to live when he was a stranger. 

he tells you late at night with his face buried in your chest that he loves you with the world on his shoulders and you try your best to help him before he crumbles because he's just a boy and you are just a girl who's madly in love. 

you try your best to wipe his tears and he starts to taste like tears, broken dreams and cherries  
and you fucking hate cherries 

you don't know where things started to go wrong. 

///  
hes distracted

he doesn't mean to be but you see the way he searches the halls with bright eyes and the way his shoulders slumps when he doesn't see her.  
and you try to pinpoint when your place in his heart was replaced with her 

and you can't help but think that you might have never had a place in his heart. 

you haven't seen those bright eyes in a long time

and you ignore the warning signs in your head,

You ignore the looks of longing that you thought was directed towards you  
You ignore the quick kisses and way that he doesn't hold your hand long enough to intertwine them because he sees her  
You ignore when making love changed to fucking and he leaves before the morning light even touches the horizon.  
You ignore the fact that he stopped coming to you for help  
and you try to ignore that he picked her over you  
You ignore that every sentence was about her her her her her  
And you try to ignore the voice inside your head that you will never be as good as her. 

but you don't think you can ignore it any longer, you don't think that your heavy tired heart can handle any more 

but you love him 

maybe you always have known that you weren't the first pick, deep down you know you weren't his second pick either.

but you use to thank the pretty little stars in the sky that he would give you a chance.  
those pretty little stars never twinkled as much they did tonight, almost like they were laughing at your foolish confused little heart. 

and you have an inkling for why 

MJ it was MJ, your best friend, your sister from another mother,  
The better of the duo, the taller one, the prettier one, the funnier one, the self-confident one

and you should have known that she was the one that he loves. 

you should have known that when he was with you, he was wishing you were taller, with a complexion that glowed even more than the sun and eyes so deep that you could get lost in them for days, for someone that wasn't you. 

you should have known that it was her name that he wished was upon his lips. 

that it was the only person that you bared your soul and all your truths too 

but you love him and you love her 

so you take a step back, multiple steps back.

because you realize that maybe you loved him more than he loved you. 

and you know you love him but you push the words down deeper inside yourself and lock it away, never to be heard again because you know he doesn’t love you

at least not the way you love him and not in the way it matters

but you will yourself to smile back at him the same way you always have but you can feel your heartbreaking. And you hope that your bleeding heart doesn’t show because you’re not ready for rejection because you love him and you have a heart of gold and had a thing for falling in love with the best of people and because you know that he wouldn't be able to handle another person leaving him so you stay.

you stay when he seeks comfort for another human when the world gets too loud and bright and you stay when seeks of comfort turns to you pushed against the sheets and bittersweet nothings are whispered in the air that falls upon deaf ears after you think you threw up a piece of your bleeding heart. 

but you stay because he needs you and you love him 

and you wait for the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda tried with this and it's my first time putting my writing online, so I hope you guys like it.  
pls give me criticism... I don't know if I should write a second chapter or not. let me know!!!!
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at  
@underooooos same story there!!!


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